Saturday, January 3, 2009

What is the point of a wife?

Time: “Timeless” and way-too-late-at-night.

The latter year’s events have given us a beautiful arsenal of newlyweds. And it is in this context I ask, not on their behalf but on my own: “what the heck is the point of a wife?” I have never had a girlfriend, and I’m not stressing, though I know that others are. I know what loneliness is, but I like my own company way better than a thousand frenzic girls! I have time and I don’t think that if I don’t get married in a freaking rush, the train leaves the station and I’ll never have a family, kids or happiness and that I’ll die old and with grey hair, bitter and sentimental in a rocking chair!

My sister recently got married. And I guess I’ll have to leave the initial question behind for this sake since she surely was the most amazing wife material alive before getting married, and surely must be one of the most fabulous wives alive after getting married. Her Character, General Amazingness and Beauty will testify for them selves! But I don’t think I ever completely understood that we’d grow up, and the question arises again!

I understand the thing with attraction-that it is attractive-but I’ll say as Dennis Finch Hutton: “You confuse needing with wanting! If I die will you die?” Although I totally disagree with the long late Mr. Finch Hutton on marriage-for I think that: #1, We have a mandate from God to get married, and as Martin Luther noted in his big catechism-staring out a monk himself-marriage is not optional. #2, If you love her, you marry her. And Mr. Finch Hutton was much wrong when he said to Karen Blixen: “I won’t love you more because of a piece of paper!” It was never about his feelings, it was about putting the spike in the coffin, the final seal; putting on its legs the final bravery to honour the woman he loved above all! Here-here! If you now are tempted to tell me you have my answer, that you red the “attraction” part and have a half-perverted answer that does not contain the state “love” in more than a physical sense I loose you from the duty to read on and you can keep your distorted opinion to yourself, for Dennis was right about this: “if I die, she won’t die,” but he was only wrong not to marry her. Marriage is not a necessity seen from a human point of view. Desire to get married is there, but so it is to ski big mountains and buy expensive cars. The absence of one or the other does not claim a day of your life. But psychology tells us that the death of a spouse is the single most stressful event in the life of a human being, and popular scientific research that people’s lives equal out in happiness only past 50 years of age for singles and those who are not. So the feelings are there, though we might question the practicality.

I’ll be brief on this next one, but more than anything I understand the friendship part. Obvious opposites and more similarities than Hollywood would ever want us to believe. I understand better than most the parable of two people fighting an enemy back to back, for a good sword-fighter should reach 180 degrees without too much hassle, but no one has eyes in his neck. Friendship-definite and by no possibility fleeting-I understand that. Though I still think that you won’t die without it. Maybe I shouldn’t ask if we need it, cause maybe we don’t, and in other ways we do. And maybe this most obvious point is what I wonder the most about after all. -Why should I trust other people? And in case my question is at least slightly justified objectively, why should I (not) bring this paradox as close as marriage, both for her and for my sake? I never had many friends growing up and I know well that it doesn’t at all kill you! Though there is a complex as big as my reflection here, and you’re right to point out that I can’t get past it: that human’s purpose is un-loosingly bound to other people!

This last matter I accept blindly with no questions asked: God’s commission over the human life: -if he made us all, and none got married, “subdued the earth” and “multiplied,” I understand if God looked down at the subsequently empty earth, pulling his hair out, asking: “WHAT!?” -I’d have a cigar and take a very long holiday if I was Him. -Luther was right where Finch Hutton was wrong.

When I find her I’ll marry her; as long as I have been reasonably well past Elementary School there has been no question! I know that some of you have an incline towards asking about “the one” at this point. Am I talking about “the big love?” -In my teens I used to believe in “the only one and only”, mostly in the absence of other and more useful theory. But my tendency to ask for reasons aside, I don’t think I could ever care less. When you choose her she becomes “the one and only” anyway, and at the furthest the two notions need not even contradict. Whether it’s one or a million or a few, does it matter? If “the one” dies you’ll be left alone with a bleeding heart, not knowing the foundation of your never-ending sorrow. Much like a Germanic Knights novel of the 18th century. Burn “Romeo and Juliet,” dying for love-not to say of love-contains nothing romantic. It is as romantic as “Jack the Ripper,” not to mention equally tragic! Go for the happy love stories! Those are the ones you want. Those are the ones you would want to be in! Those are the ones you’d like to believe and to achieve -if you are single, to work for hard as rock if your marriage are near failing, to make you both happy, but not you alone for also those whom you support. A king has no option but to fight when war is upon him! I say no option indeed! For it is only by Marx that man can afford to be a pacifist! If Marx was right we only know capital as a driving force in our souls and Neitzche tells us that whatever it is that drives us is utterly complex and we might never come to the bottom of the riddle non the less. If being set free from the capital or embracing the complex and mad interests that governs the nihilistic man (über-mensch), “freedom” can be loosened from duty and you can choose not to fight. See you friend? -that they just killed love? For if man disposes and applies his thoughts only by money or a maniac’s spider-web of never known reasons I will never know why I love her; or at the simplest: I’ll have capital interests that I am sure Mr. Darwin can outline in context for you. -And he too helped to kill love! If I won’t defend her, it is only me here! Back to the line: “a king has no option…” -and nor do you, but to defend, support and build up those who have come to trust you both. Aging parents, children, various, or society at large. Just as in war you shall stand your ground. Love is a choice, not merely a feeling. A feeling much less in fact, cause if I was wrong then: if you didn’t feel it you could make no promises that you could in the end even trust yourself. If that was so we’d give fuel to Neitzche and I won’t join! Am I exempted from gravity just because I feel like it, from tax paying, from showing up at work, for taking care of the kids I will have, for being responsible in the traffic? No indeed, and nor are you! And suddenly the ever so brave Dennis Finch Hutton that would let the lion get just a little bit closer, seems insecure about himself more than about marriage, or even more than he is about her.

I believe in Marriage! I wouldn’t even be here without it! But I have no idea what I need a wife for! If I can’t see a reason in a Newton-ian way, cause the absence of one won’t kill me, if I’d have to be convinced to trust that it would make life better (though it might be easier than it sounds…?), and I believe we have a commission merely by being born, I am honestly not left with much mental gunpowder to exercise choices in reality upon! Much I have to obey you might say, but man was given choice by the same One as he obeys, and it is in man’s given and created nature to ask before acting, and contrary pattern to this often do spell crazy outcomes. But still I ask, and it is not a rhetorical question, for I intend to gain an answer. Preferably from a happily married male-or several-cause hopefully (for her) he would have an answer!


It is now late at night and I intend not to correct my quickly authored script in any way. So I apologize (or not) if you find unexplainable outlines (though I doubt it), or misspellings of the difficult names of German philosophers or non-correct transcription of names of friends of the last King Edward.

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